Teaching is hard. Teenagers are emotional. I am human. These are statements that keep going through my head after what happened yesterday.
After being cursed out...(use your imagination), my student continued to yell at me, call me stupid, referred to me making him feel stupid, and I believe there were other things he yelled. As he yelled, I stayed calm, I took deep breathes. I tried to diffuse the situation. I didn't. What scared me was that when I asked him to stay in the hall, he followed me into the room. I was sincerely scared at that point. The teenager in question was a lot bigger than me. Once my adrenaline was pumping, there was no turning back. Thank God, there was only 3 minutes left in class. As I replay the situation for the millionth time in my head, I see how I could have changed it. This is the part of teaching that no one prepares you for. Even with my prior experience with situations like this doesn't really help. It's hard not to yell back at the student. It's hard not to slam the door in his face. It's hard to not feed into the emotions of a child.
Last weekend, I realized that my 12-14 hour days continue. I feel this pressure, probably self imposed, to do my best everyday. Where the grace that I am suppose to give myself, when the best doesn't happen? Where's the balance here?
I have never worked this hard in my life. I don't know how to work faster, better, or smarter. This is the best work I've ever done in my life. Even in the midst of an awful day yesterday, my mind is running to what I can change. How can I relate to the student that yells at me? How do I win that class back? How do I tell the students text messages are not important during the 90 minutes they are with me? How do I convince the student with social anxiety that the class likes him? How do I encourage a student that because things are hard doesn't mean that you should give up easily? How do I let my honors physics students realize that physics is hard and not every one gets an A?
To be honest, I think the incident yesterday makes me want to be better. If I plan better, grade fairer, I will win over my classes. I don't know how I am doing it. I work 12-14 hours each day. On the weekend I am working 3 - 8 hours each Saturday and Sunday...getting ready for my classes or grading. I keep thinking that sometime life will ease up, but I don't know when.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Ok, so what now.
Recently a friend mentioned that it's been cool to see God's hand prints on my life. As I have been transitioning for the past couple of months...it's been hard to stay focused. I do believe that this has been guided by God, but I found myself wondering last night and today. "Now what?"
In no means do I feel I am even close to being done, but I am sort of at this place where major change has happened and I am beginning to settle in. It's not disappointing, my life is really good. Although I almost feel a sense of loss, now that I know that I am suppose to be teaching. Which really makes me wonder what is it that I feel loss about.
I am a big advocate of plans. I came up with this saying a couple of years ago. "Just because you can't predict the future, doesn't mean you have to live aimlessly in the present." (That's a Jane original...sometimes I astound myself when words fly out of my mouth) During "The Transition," I really turned to God and felt led by my faith. I wonder if I have lost that. Right now I have a plan for this year and am beginning to make plans for next year. (National Board Certification...more about that later). Did I pray about that or did I just hope that my thoughts are lined up with God's plan for me? Am I where I am suppose to be in all the parts of my life? I feel confident I am in the right job, but as for the rest...I don't feel as confident.
In no means do I feel I am even close to being done, but I am sort of at this place where major change has happened and I am beginning to settle in. It's not disappointing, my life is really good. Although I almost feel a sense of loss, now that I know that I am suppose to be teaching. Which really makes me wonder what is it that I feel loss about.
I am a big advocate of plans. I came up with this saying a couple of years ago. "Just because you can't predict the future, doesn't mean you have to live aimlessly in the present." (That's a Jane original...sometimes I astound myself when words fly out of my mouth) During "The Transition," I really turned to God and felt led by my faith. I wonder if I have lost that. Right now I have a plan for this year and am beginning to make plans for next year. (National Board Certification...more about that later). Did I pray about that or did I just hope that my thoughts are lined up with God's plan for me? Am I where I am suppose to be in all the parts of my life? I feel confident I am in the right job, but as for the rest...I don't feel as confident.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Teaching
Okay...first week half done! I have enjoyed teaching, but golly gee....I AM TIRED! Did I mention I am tired? I have worked 12 hour days...I go home eat, rest, then go back to bed! Sleep....then up at 5AM.
Thank God, that next week is only a four day week. Oh, how I love Labor Day. Maybe I can get ahead of myself.
Today, I was so nervous I wouldn't get stuff done, that I arrived at school before they opened the doors. I sat in my car and graded papers for 15 minutes before any other car showed up! Then I was at school until 6PM. Yes, folks that would be 12 hours at the actual building.
Thank God, that next week is only a four day week. Oh, how I love Labor Day. Maybe I can get ahead of myself.
Today, I was so nervous I wouldn't get stuff done, that I arrived at school before they opened the doors. I sat in my car and graded papers for 15 minutes before any other car showed up! Then I was at school until 6PM. Yes, folks that would be 12 hours at the actual building.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Early Morning
I was awake at 5:15AM. Ouch. I am starting my days early this week. I am prepping for the first day of school. All I can say is that I love my school. I so enjoy the co-workers I have. I also realize that I am being supported and these people do not even know me. It's utterly amazing to be assimilated into a group this quickly.
More later, but as I contemplate the morning, I thought I would post. It's dark outside, there is a stillness in the day with a sense of urgency to get stuff ready for Monday, the first day of school. Good news is that all my teacher tricks are coming back quickly.
Coffee...I smell the coffee finishing...I must greet my coffee maker with a smile. How do I love an object so much.
Good morning to all!
More later, but as I contemplate the morning, I thought I would post. It's dark outside, there is a stillness in the day with a sense of urgency to get stuff ready for Monday, the first day of school. Good news is that all my teacher tricks are coming back quickly.
Coffee...I smell the coffee finishing...I must greet my coffee maker with a smile. How do I love an object so much.
Good morning to all!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The Eve of Working
So, this morning is my last morning, not working a full time job. Ahhh....
Okay, so I am excited about starting my teaching job tomorrow. I am probably more nervous about making a good first impression with my co-workers than actually working. Tomorrow is just orientation anyway. I am excited to get started. Since the end of May, I have been dreaming of teaching and getting back into the classroom. I hope all my nifty teacher tricks come back to me.
I would like to report that I finished most of my wish list of things that I wanted to get done! Yippee. Today is a day of fun. I am spending the morning, organizing and prepping my house for a baby shower that's on Saturday. Then I am buying new make-up, then lunching with some friends, then my furniture that I ordered is being delivered. Then I am attending a birthday dinner for a friend. So, lots of fun and resting before work starts.
One guilty pleasure I am going to miss is that I am used to waking up early and watching a movie or TV. This morning as I woke up at 6:00AM (I decided to start going to bed early to prepare for my job and naturally wake up after 7.5 hours of sleep) I watched the movie I had from Netflix. Wow, is the word. I watched "The Last King of Scotland." Maybe I always fell asleep in history class, but I don't remember hearing anything about Amin. Amazing. I will confess that watching violence that is true really effects my psyche. To be honest, there were two parts where I had to cover my eyes and make noise so I wouldn't hear what was going on. For those that can handle violent films, I recommend it more as a learning experience than entertainment.
My blogging will probably start turning more towards the funny encounters with students and co-workers. Don't worry, I'll still have entertaining housework posts too! It's almost here...my new job!
Okay, so I am excited about starting my teaching job tomorrow. I am probably more nervous about making a good first impression with my co-workers than actually working. Tomorrow is just orientation anyway. I am excited to get started. Since the end of May, I have been dreaming of teaching and getting back into the classroom. I hope all my nifty teacher tricks come back to me.
I would like to report that I finished most of my wish list of things that I wanted to get done! Yippee. Today is a day of fun. I am spending the morning, organizing and prepping my house for a baby shower that's on Saturday. Then I am buying new make-up, then lunching with some friends, then my furniture that I ordered is being delivered. Then I am attending a birthday dinner for a friend. So, lots of fun and resting before work starts.
One guilty pleasure I am going to miss is that I am used to waking up early and watching a movie or TV. This morning as I woke up at 6:00AM (I decided to start going to bed early to prepare for my job and naturally wake up after 7.5 hours of sleep) I watched the movie I had from Netflix. Wow, is the word. I watched "The Last King of Scotland." Maybe I always fell asleep in history class, but I don't remember hearing anything about Amin. Amazing. I will confess that watching violence that is true really effects my psyche. To be honest, there were two parts where I had to cover my eyes and make noise so I wouldn't hear what was going on. For those that can handle violent films, I recommend it more as a learning experience than entertainment.
My blogging will probably start turning more towards the funny encounters with students and co-workers. Don't worry, I'll still have entertaining housework posts too! It's almost here...my new job!
Monday, August 13, 2007
I "heart" my Neighbors.
To almost anyone that has ever talked to me, I talk about how awesome my neighbors are. Here's reason #642. On Friday morning I talked to them and Robert (the husband) said, I'll help you finish up those branches and trees sometime on Saturday. For those that don't know in late April I started tackling my "natural" back yard. I chopped down 10 pine trees, but never cut them into wood, they were just down like a tornado went through. Also I had a pile of dead trees and branches that I have been working on all summer. I hated the pile, it was bigger than me...it was totally more than I could handle.
Sadly, Robert wasn't around on Saturday...so Sunday I woke up and decided. Early church, then I am working in the yard until it was done! Here's where Robert became superman to me. He came over after I had been working for 4 hours and helped me finish. I finished the pile of branches and trees. He started chopping the wood that was too thick for me with his nifty claw/chainsaw. As he came over to help me he said...hey, Mitzi (his wife) has a t-bone for you, what are you doing for dinner? I "heart" my neighbors. Knowing that dinner was being made for me, let me carry on and finish.
I have no idea why I worked in the yard for 6 solid hours yesterday, but my sense of accomplishment is very high. I almost have a certain amount of pride about my yard, which I haven't really had recently. I wish that I had a digital camera to document this day.
Next I have to dig up the stumps of the trees. Per Robert's instruction...I am buying an axe today. Is that weird...I am excited about buying an axe. Lesson I learned...when chopping down trees...don't do 10+ at a time. Do one, clean it up as you go. I also cut my grass yesterday. Needless to say I am so sore that I went to bed at 10:15 last night. Hence the reason I am blogging at 5:40 AM.
Oh, by the way. Did I mention the countdown? I start work on Friday. Here's the list of what needs done before then. Okay, what I would like done by then...probably not completely realistic.
Sadly, Robert wasn't around on Saturday...so Sunday I woke up and decided. Early church, then I am working in the yard until it was done! Here's where Robert became superman to me. He came over after I had been working for 4 hours and helped me finish. I finished the pile of branches and trees. He started chopping the wood that was too thick for me with his nifty claw/chainsaw. As he came over to help me he said...hey, Mitzi (his wife) has a t-bone for you, what are you doing for dinner? I "heart" my neighbors. Knowing that dinner was being made for me, let me carry on and finish.
I have no idea why I worked in the yard for 6 solid hours yesterday, but my sense of accomplishment is very high. I almost have a certain amount of pride about my yard, which I haven't really had recently. I wish that I had a digital camera to document this day.
Next I have to dig up the stumps of the trees. Per Robert's instruction...I am buying an axe today. Is that weird...I am excited about buying an axe. Lesson I learned...when chopping down trees...don't do 10+ at a time. Do one, clean it up as you go. I also cut my grass yesterday. Needless to say I am so sore that I went to bed at 10:15 last night. Hence the reason I am blogging at 5:40 AM.
Oh, by the way. Did I mention the countdown? I start work on Friday. Here's the list of what needs done before then. Okay, what I would like done by then...probably not completely realistic.
- Finish "fall" cleaning (I had begun to reorganize all closets, bookcases, and kitchen)
- Deep clean the house (I am hosting a baby shower)
- Start/Finish making some bibs
- Finish my poster project
- Hang out with friends
- A good friend's birthday/bachelorette party/dinner
- Grocery shop
- Laundry
Monday, August 6, 2007
The List
So, I made a list of things that I want to get done before I start working. Today's task that I sort of didn't mean to start, but then again, I did finish. I re-arranged my entire kitchen. Moved the spices to a better cabinet. Weeded out the seedy dish towels. Found the matching containers to lid...so there is the right number of lids that match containers. Put the food all together instead of 3 seperate places. If I ever live in another house...a pantry. That's going to be my bottom line. If there isn't a pantry...then build me one.
Really, I forgot how driven I am when I have a list. Another big task will be to wash my windows. Irony is that they are painted shut and I can't seem to figure out how to open most of them. I also think I will re-arrage my closets. I already have a coffee table worth of stuff to donate, sell, or give away. Since I haven't moved in 2.5 years, I find this need to purge. My trash can is the heaviest been since I missed two weeks in row of trash pick up about six months ago (The FDA was threatening to shut me down at that point).
So, today...I watched some tv, dropped off my plastic bags to recycle, dropped off my dry cleaning, worked 3 hours at my part time job, talked on the phone with Carolyn, Mom, and Stacy, cleaned and rearraged my kitchen, did laundry, cleaned paperwork off kitchen table, made a new playlist on itunes called Fun Housework, blogged, and I am off to a pool party. Needless to say...I am getting a little tired. But days like today feel so good to me.
Really, I forgot how driven I am when I have a list. Another big task will be to wash my windows. Irony is that they are painted shut and I can't seem to figure out how to open most of them. I also think I will re-arrage my closets. I already have a coffee table worth of stuff to donate, sell, or give away. Since I haven't moved in 2.5 years, I find this need to purge. My trash can is the heaviest been since I missed two weeks in row of trash pick up about six months ago (The FDA was threatening to shut me down at that point).
So, today...I watched some tv, dropped off my plastic bags to recycle, dropped off my dry cleaning, worked 3 hours at my part time job, talked on the phone with Carolyn, Mom, and Stacy, cleaned and rearraged my kitchen, did laundry, cleaned paperwork off kitchen table, made a new playlist on itunes called Fun Housework, blogged, and I am off to a pool party. Needless to say...I am getting a little tired. But days like today feel so good to me.
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