Have you ever been too tired to eat? Never in my life have I chosen sleep over food while still healthy. When I am sick all I do is sleep. But when I am healthy, I never chose to miss a meal.
Last week that happened. I had a snack to make it until I had enough energy to make it until dinner. At nine o'clock, I awoke on the couch...brushed my teeth and went to sleep and slept through the night! The next day I ate dinner at 4:30 when I got home from work because I could feel my energy level fading fast.
What's the cure for exhaustion? I think I might need a mental health day soon.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
My Fall Phobia.
The acorns are coming...the acorns are coming.
Once a year I am always startled by the acorns that fall from my huge oak tree and hit my roof. The first fall I lived in my house...I thought they were rats in my walls...because I would hear scurrying, then silence. This was the acorns rolling off my roof.
Late at night during a big wind gust it sounds like a bomb being dropped in my bedroom. I heard the first couple fall last night, but the acorns are coming.
So, I have developed a fear of acorns. Do you think that's called acornaphobia? (Don't confuse that with a cornacopia.
Once a year I am always startled by the acorns that fall from my huge oak tree and hit my roof. The first fall I lived in my house...I thought they were rats in my walls...because I would hear scurrying, then silence. This was the acorns rolling off my roof.
Late at night during a big wind gust it sounds like a bomb being dropped in my bedroom. I heard the first couple fall last night, but the acorns are coming.
So, I have developed a fear of acorns. Do you think that's called acornaphobia? (Don't confuse that with a cornacopia.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Life
Life lessons are hard to learn. In working with teenagers I seem to see students learn really hard life lessons. To be honest, it hurts my heart sometimes.
This week two students at my school died in a car accident. Didn't anyone tell those children that teenagers are not suppose to die? As I found out the news and found out they were in my co-worker's classes, my heart ached. The bell for first period rang and it was strange as I looked in my student's eyes; they were about to find out about the car accident and that two of their peers had died the night before. As the announcement was made, I couldn't look at my students...only an hour before had I found out the news I had mental pictures of all my students hoping that they weren't my students that had died.
It was surreal that after the announcement was made over the intercom, I was to start teaching physics. As I looked at my students I was hoping that an adult or professional would walk in the room and start telling us what to do. But wait, I was the adult and professional. I was to know what to say and how to say it. I was to be the role model of how to deal with this tragedy.
They don't train you for that in your education classes, only experience helps. I was haunted this week from the memory of my first year teaching. In May, after I taught Jason for 8 months in my first period physics class, he committed suicide. I found out from an email that said URGENT. The days that followed I will always remember. I was the one that emptied his locker. I was asked why I didn't see the red flags. As a friend drove me to the funeral, I barely could walk and had trouble dealing with the reality of Jason's death. This week brought a lot of those memories back. How do you get over the deaths of students?
You don't. You deal with the grief, and you move on with your life and your heart grows for your students. You get around losing students, but you never get over it. Teenagers are not suppose to die.
This week two students at my school died in a car accident. Didn't anyone tell those children that teenagers are not suppose to die? As I found out the news and found out they were in my co-worker's classes, my heart ached. The bell for first period rang and it was strange as I looked in my student's eyes; they were about to find out about the car accident and that two of their peers had died the night before. As the announcement was made, I couldn't look at my students...only an hour before had I found out the news I had mental pictures of all my students hoping that they weren't my students that had died.
It was surreal that after the announcement was made over the intercom, I was to start teaching physics. As I looked at my students I was hoping that an adult or professional would walk in the room and start telling us what to do. But wait, I was the adult and professional. I was to know what to say and how to say it. I was to be the role model of how to deal with this tragedy.
They don't train you for that in your education classes, only experience helps. I was haunted this week from the memory of my first year teaching. In May, after I taught Jason for 8 months in my first period physics class, he committed suicide. I found out from an email that said URGENT. The days that followed I will always remember. I was the one that emptied his locker. I was asked why I didn't see the red flags. As a friend drove me to the funeral, I barely could walk and had trouble dealing with the reality of Jason's death. This week brought a lot of those memories back. How do you get over the deaths of students?
You don't. You deal with the grief, and you move on with your life and your heart grows for your students. You get around losing students, but you never get over it. Teenagers are not suppose to die.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Saturday Morning Grading
I am not a big fan of grading papers. If my students would just want to learn...I would grade less. My physical science class, you have to collect everything in order for the students to even do it. In honors physics....I stopped collecting homework because if they don't do homework, they will fail every test and quiz. Although on Friday I collected the homework.
When did students start feeling comfortable in copying homework in the same room as the teacher? I'll admit that I probably copied a homework assignment as a student, but I never did it in front of my teacher. I can't believe them.
What's the world coming to, when our students feel like copying is okay? Now, that I know that they copied, I am going to grade it super tough! Yes, I am mean. Don't take advantage of me.
When did students start feeling comfortable in copying homework in the same room as the teacher? I'll admit that I probably copied a homework assignment as a student, but I never did it in front of my teacher. I can't believe them.
What's the world coming to, when our students feel like copying is okay? Now, that I know that they copied, I am going to grade it super tough! Yes, I am mean. Don't take advantage of me.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Early Morning
There is a calmness to the morning that I don't experience in any other part of the day. I love the morning. I love the early morning. It's before anything can go wrong. It's before the day has revealed itself. It's before I mess up.
I love the early mornings of my life. Now some might be amazed, but I wake around 5-5:30AM. I leave my house for work around 6AM. I am usually the first car in the faculty parking lot. That always makes me smile for some reason. As I walk down the empty halls, I almost smile about how calm everything. Within in 2 hours, the halls are bustling with staff and students. There's shouting, there's crying, there's laughter. But as I prepare myself for the day, I love my 3 minutes of walking through the school alone.
This morning, as I did my morning routine, I showered, checked email, did my hair, put on make up. Then I grabbed my wrist watch, I paused as I put it on and noticed the time. It was 4:21 AM. Something went terribly wrong. I must of messed up the time as I set the alarm for this morning. So, one would think I was mad, but no. I was able to finish grading those papers I never looked at last night. I wrote the transparency for the lab for class today. And now, I have 20 minutes of "jane" time.
Here's to the morning, which is so hopeful and lovely. Today might be a little tiring because I lost one hour of sleep, but I am prepared for the day. I'm enjoying my coffee and I am off to teach my students.
I love the early mornings of my life. Now some might be amazed, but I wake around 5-5:30AM. I leave my house for work around 6AM. I am usually the first car in the faculty parking lot. That always makes me smile for some reason. As I walk down the empty halls, I almost smile about how calm everything. Within in 2 hours, the halls are bustling with staff and students. There's shouting, there's crying, there's laughter. But as I prepare myself for the day, I love my 3 minutes of walking through the school alone.
This morning, as I did my morning routine, I showered, checked email, did my hair, put on make up. Then I grabbed my wrist watch, I paused as I put it on and noticed the time. It was 4:21 AM. Something went terribly wrong. I must of messed up the time as I set the alarm for this morning. So, one would think I was mad, but no. I was able to finish grading those papers I never looked at last night. I wrote the transparency for the lab for class today. And now, I have 20 minutes of "jane" time.
Here's to the morning, which is so hopeful and lovely. Today might be a little tiring because I lost one hour of sleep, but I am prepared for the day. I'm enjoying my coffee and I am off to teach my students.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The Incident
Teaching is hard. Teenagers are emotional. I am human. These are statements that keep going through my head after what happened yesterday.
After being cursed out...(use your imagination), my student continued to yell at me, call me stupid, referred to me making him feel stupid, and I believe there were other things he yelled. As he yelled, I stayed calm, I took deep breathes. I tried to diffuse the situation. I didn't. What scared me was that when I asked him to stay in the hall, he followed me into the room. I was sincerely scared at that point. The teenager in question was a lot bigger than me. Once my adrenaline was pumping, there was no turning back. Thank God, there was only 3 minutes left in class. As I replay the situation for the millionth time in my head, I see how I could have changed it. This is the part of teaching that no one prepares you for. Even with my prior experience with situations like this doesn't really help. It's hard not to yell back at the student. It's hard not to slam the door in his face. It's hard to not feed into the emotions of a child.
Last weekend, I realized that my 12-14 hour days continue. I feel this pressure, probably self imposed, to do my best everyday. Where the grace that I am suppose to give myself, when the best doesn't happen? Where's the balance here?
I have never worked this hard in my life. I don't know how to work faster, better, or smarter. This is the best work I've ever done in my life. Even in the midst of an awful day yesterday, my mind is running to what I can change. How can I relate to the student that yells at me? How do I win that class back? How do I tell the students text messages are not important during the 90 minutes they are with me? How do I convince the student with social anxiety that the class likes him? How do I encourage a student that because things are hard doesn't mean that you should give up easily? How do I let my honors physics students realize that physics is hard and not every one gets an A?
To be honest, I think the incident yesterday makes me want to be better. If I plan better, grade fairer, I will win over my classes. I don't know how I am doing it. I work 12-14 hours each day. On the weekend I am working 3 - 8 hours each Saturday and Sunday...getting ready for my classes or grading. I keep thinking that sometime life will ease up, but I don't know when.
After being cursed out...(use your imagination), my student continued to yell at me, call me stupid, referred to me making him feel stupid, and I believe there were other things he yelled. As he yelled, I stayed calm, I took deep breathes. I tried to diffuse the situation. I didn't. What scared me was that when I asked him to stay in the hall, he followed me into the room. I was sincerely scared at that point. The teenager in question was a lot bigger than me. Once my adrenaline was pumping, there was no turning back. Thank God, there was only 3 minutes left in class. As I replay the situation for the millionth time in my head, I see how I could have changed it. This is the part of teaching that no one prepares you for. Even with my prior experience with situations like this doesn't really help. It's hard not to yell back at the student. It's hard not to slam the door in his face. It's hard to not feed into the emotions of a child.
Last weekend, I realized that my 12-14 hour days continue. I feel this pressure, probably self imposed, to do my best everyday. Where the grace that I am suppose to give myself, when the best doesn't happen? Where's the balance here?
I have never worked this hard in my life. I don't know how to work faster, better, or smarter. This is the best work I've ever done in my life. Even in the midst of an awful day yesterday, my mind is running to what I can change. How can I relate to the student that yells at me? How do I win that class back? How do I tell the students text messages are not important during the 90 minutes they are with me? How do I convince the student with social anxiety that the class likes him? How do I encourage a student that because things are hard doesn't mean that you should give up easily? How do I let my honors physics students realize that physics is hard and not every one gets an A?
To be honest, I think the incident yesterday makes me want to be better. If I plan better, grade fairer, I will win over my classes. I don't know how I am doing it. I work 12-14 hours each day. On the weekend I am working 3 - 8 hours each Saturday and Sunday...getting ready for my classes or grading. I keep thinking that sometime life will ease up, but I don't know when.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Ok, so what now.
Recently a friend mentioned that it's been cool to see God's hand prints on my life. As I have been transitioning for the past couple of months...it's been hard to stay focused. I do believe that this has been guided by God, but I found myself wondering last night and today. "Now what?"
In no means do I feel I am even close to being done, but I am sort of at this place where major change has happened and I am beginning to settle in. It's not disappointing, my life is really good. Although I almost feel a sense of loss, now that I know that I am suppose to be teaching. Which really makes me wonder what is it that I feel loss about.
I am a big advocate of plans. I came up with this saying a couple of years ago. "Just because you can't predict the future, doesn't mean you have to live aimlessly in the present." (That's a Jane original...sometimes I astound myself when words fly out of my mouth) During "The Transition," I really turned to God and felt led by my faith. I wonder if I have lost that. Right now I have a plan for this year and am beginning to make plans for next year. (National Board Certification...more about that later). Did I pray about that or did I just hope that my thoughts are lined up with God's plan for me? Am I where I am suppose to be in all the parts of my life? I feel confident I am in the right job, but as for the rest...I don't feel as confident.
In no means do I feel I am even close to being done, but I am sort of at this place where major change has happened and I am beginning to settle in. It's not disappointing, my life is really good. Although I almost feel a sense of loss, now that I know that I am suppose to be teaching. Which really makes me wonder what is it that I feel loss about.
I am a big advocate of plans. I came up with this saying a couple of years ago. "Just because you can't predict the future, doesn't mean you have to live aimlessly in the present." (That's a Jane original...sometimes I astound myself when words fly out of my mouth) During "The Transition," I really turned to God and felt led by my faith. I wonder if I have lost that. Right now I have a plan for this year and am beginning to make plans for next year. (National Board Certification...more about that later). Did I pray about that or did I just hope that my thoughts are lined up with God's plan for me? Am I where I am suppose to be in all the parts of my life? I feel confident I am in the right job, but as for the rest...I don't feel as confident.
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